Thinking About 100 Million Things

I’ve got a 100 million thought spinning around in my head this evening as I sit here writing.  I woke up early this morning to sweet voice of my babygirl syaing, ‘Up, up”.  She slept well in her crib that is situated in our bedroom.  When she caught a glimpse of my eyes trying to sneak a peak at me, she whispered “hi”.  I just smiled from her just cute deliciousness, got her out of the crib and then put her in the bed with us.  Mistake!  She never fell back to sleep.  Needless to say, I was operating on fumes today without getting enough sleep.  I wont be doing that again tonight.

I had a great lunch today with a good friend of mine who also has a baby.  It’s so good talking to her because sometimes i feel we are living parallel lives in some respect.  We can relate and then she has other perspectives than me.  She is more conservative and I think I take a little more risks.  I think I am a little more creative, but she is highly cerebral and the voice of reason.  Conversations with her help you balance things out and she knows where all the great restaurants are downtown.

Well, I had a wonderful walk today with my accountability partner sista, my “aps”.  It was mostly me texting her while I took the 2 and half mile walk around the reserviore in Silver Lake, while she drove  to meet me from her editing bay in Venice beach (she is an amazing documentory movie editor).  We were suppose to walk together, but when I finished the walk she had just arrived and I needed to get back to pick up Lalah from my Moms.  So, we sat in the grass and had our empowerment session.  We keep eachother in check, making sure we stay on track in living our authentic lives.  We make sure that we inform eachother when we recognize that we are allowing fear to hinder our dreams, so that we can conquer that obstacle that we have created in our minds and get over it.  We acknowledge eacthothers accomplishments.

Its really strange how we met.  We were standing in line at thevalet, waiting for our cars after we both had already attended a day long internetmarketing seminar with another incrediby empowering woman name Vanessa Summers.  I introduced myself and asked how she liked the seminar and what type of business she was involved in, etc.  She was just open and friendly.  We talked about my mastermind group and accountability partners and what a great idea that would be.  We exchanged information, and then about 3 weeks later got started as eachothers APS’s.  It has been awesome ever since.  We are flexible with eachother if certain things are not accomplished or are altered a bit after we get more clarity in our lives direction.  It’s great!

Tonight, the baby went to sleep already…She tried to play my guitar tonight while I sang.  She can strum pretty well with her tiny fingers.  She loves music and looks up everytime she hears a guitar or a piano played on the TV. Play a song and her little head just bobbs up and down, she claps…I just love it.  Just wanted to share some of my100 million things today.

What Are You Afraid Of…Uhhh?

Most people are crippled by negative possibilitites.  They question themselves with “What if’s”, which prevent them from doing things in their lives that they would truly enjoy, or that they dream of doing. I have got to admit that I used to be one of those people.  I don’t know why but for years after I stopped singing with my sisters in the music group Nik-Tash’tA, I had developed this terrible stage fright.  I think it stemmed from doing a couple of just really bad shows.  We had been exhausted.  I was in school full time, and so were my sisters.  We hadn’t really practiced that well.  I think that also, with one of the performances, I had totally syked myself out because it was one of those “comedy and R&B” shows.  So I created this FEAR inside me of what if’s”.  What if I totally choke and then the comedians make fun of us all night?  Man it was a self fulfilling prophecy.  Our rehearsal before the show was great but during the show my throat felt like I had eaten a box of salteens.  It was totally not me and absolutely aweful.  I heard a guy in the audience who was at the rehearsal say…”what in the world happened…they were great in the rehearsal.”

So years afterwards, I have had to face my fears to really live the life that I truly want to live.  I am a singer down deep in my soul. 

I began to think about this topic last week, but really got deep into this conversation of “fear” running your life, with my best friend.  She was dealing with the same issue, and was finally recognizing it for what it was and what many people have learned that fear stands for…False Evidence Appearing Real.  You have to face some of your fears head on, and to do so, you have to see the positive possibilies insted of the negative what if’s.  I’ve learned that time is going pass with or without me doing things that I really love so I might as well do them, while still be reasonable and ethical.  I’m not saying do something that will harm or injure yourself or someone else, but to move you to action with things in your life that will make your dreams come true or move you to happiness.  What are some of these things for you?